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AMC writing contest
On Wednesday, Scalzi announced a writing contest in his regular AMC column, located here. Here's the gist:
"Below you will find a selection of writing assignments, based on various science fiction movies and/or science fiction filmmakers. Write up one or more, and put them into the comments below (one writing assignment per comment -- keep them short and punchy). Here's the juicy part: I'll select my favorite from the bunch and AMC will award its author a DVD set of the original The Prisoner. It's that easy! Have fun.
1. Write a brief monologue from the point of view of the creature who burst out of the chest of John Hurt in Alien.
2. Whilst visiting an alien world to collect plant samples, one of your crew ran afoul of the local sentient life, forcing you to cut short the mission and then subsequently mount a rescue attempt to retrieve said crew member. Write the discipline report for the crew member, whom the local sentients labeled as E.T.
3. Will Smith has agreed to do your next movie! Congratulations. Now pitch that movie to a studio executive. In addition to Smith, the movie must contain at least four of the following ten elements: A toothbrush; a small primate known as the Aye-Aye; a mad scientist; a robot who learns to love; shape-shifting zombie cats; a sexy podiatrist; a 1972 AMC Gremlin; Red Vines; a ticking time bomb; any one member of either Duran Duran or the Jonas Brothers, depending on your generational inclinations.
4. You are the founding member of the Jar-Jar Binks Reclamation Project who has come to the San Diego Comic-Con to spread the Gospel of Jar-Jar. You have one hundred fifty words to make your argument to the assembled masses. Go.
5. Similarly: you are at an academic film conference to give a presentation. The title of your talk? Uwe Boll: The Most Important Film Director of the Last Decade. Provide the synopsis paragraph of this talk, and/or recount how you escaped from the auditorium in which you gave the talk alive.
6. Write a short monologue from the point of view of The Terminator. NOTE: Due to circumstances beyond the filmmakers control, Arnold Schwarzenegger is not available to play the role of The Terminator. The role of The Terminator will instead be played by C-3P0. Please incorporate this fact into your monologue.
7. You are a screenwriter. Show us a short scene from your upcoming Matrix sequel, entitled Agent Smith: Telemarketer.
8. The movie Dune has been remade. The name of the newest version is Muad'Dib! The Musical, starring Hugh Jackman as Paul. You are a critic. Write the review.
9. Stung by the reviews of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen that describe the flick as being utterly without any redeeming qualities, director Michael Bay declares that the next Transformers movie will have a story and script based on one of the plays of William Shakespeare. In no more than two paragraphs, write a synopsis of that movie, using any Shakespeare play you like. NOTE: No fair using Titus Andronicus.
10. A group of science fiction sidekick characters have come together for their monthly support group/happy hour. The event takes place at TGI Friday's or some other moderately-priced restaurant chain. Provide us a glimpse of the transcript from that meeting."
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Group Leader: Okaaay, everyone. We all here? I know the coffee here at Denny’s really sucks, but cheer up. Our next meeting’s gonna be caviar and champagne, buddies – we got Will Smith on board! He’s totally behind us, and this movie is gonna relaunch all our careers, man! To hell with being sidekicks!
Riker: You know, I’d just like to point out, first, that I’m really not a sidekick.
GL: So you don’t want a role in the movie?
Riker: I didn’t say that.
GL: Good. ‘Cause Uwe Boll wants to direct.
[groans from everyone]
GL: As we know, he is the Most-Important-Film-Director-of-the-Last-Decade. Just ask him!
Riker: Forget it! I want to direct!
Spock: It would be more logical if I were to direct, given my previous successes. Although I would like to point out that I am not a sidekick in the strict definition of the term.
GL: That’s cool. I hate strict definitions anyway. So, the first shot shows Agent Smith in the 1972 AMC Gremlin, pulling up in front of the theatre where the opening night crowd for Muad’Dib! The Musical is milling around – we’re talking glitterati, hot babes in skimpy dresses, the works.
Agent Smith: I keep telling you clowns, I’m not a sidekick, I’m the villain.
GL: Whatever. And C-3P0’s in the seat beside him, with the ticking time bomb planted in his chest. The bit with the digital clock running in the corner of the screen’s always good for building dramatic tension.
C-3P0: Um, please pardon me, but I’d like to point out that I’m not really a sidekick. I’m the adorable robot who makes endless promotional appearances. And I’ve already been offered a role in the Transformers remake, you know. Not a big role, mind you, but I rather see myself as Othello, and I’m hoping –
GL: Hey, 3P0, trust me here. Look at your script, man.
C-3P0: Oh my! My goodness gracious! I’ve always wanted to play the Terminator.
GL: And here’s the twist – when you meet Sarah Connor – she’s in the theatre crowd – you fall in love. That gonna work for you? Good.
[grunts and howls]
C-3P0: Chewbacca would like to point out that he’s not really a sidekick. He’s the adorable alien.
GL: Yeah? Well, you might have him check his merchandising residuals, or the lack of them. Face it, Chewie, you’re just not cute enough to be made into a plush toy. But we’re gonna fix that. You’re gonna be this cute little critter called the ‘Aye-Aye’, ‘cause that’s all you can say. It’s all voice work, of course – we’re gonna do it in CGI – but you’ll be great. Hey, Jar Jar? You doin’ okay, big guy?
[squashed sounds from underneath Chewbacca]
C-3P0: I think he’s saying, ‘Help, help, I’m being repressed.’
GL: That’s ‘suppressed’, 3P0. Anyway, don’t squash him too much, Chewie – we need him for the big comic moment in the nightclub scene, right after the Jonas Brothers have to step in as the live band when Duran Duran gets taken out by Agent Smith’s telemarketers. Then we unleash the shape-shifting zombie cats. That’s our real ‘money shot ‘ – we’re talking mega-gore here, man! Filleted Jonas Brothers! Then Jar Jar shows up trying to spread his Gospel, and the zombie cats get him too, y’see, because they’re still just as hungry and even more pissed off when they can’t get any brains out of the Jonases.
[squashed sounds become more unhappy]
GL: Oh. don’t give me that. Suck it up, man.
C-3P0: He’s saying he isn’t even a sidekick; he’s the thinly veiled minority character played for ineffective racist laughs.
GL: Yeah, sure. Everyone’s got problems. But everyone’s gonna love the Jar Jar Gets Shredded scene. Will Smith wanted to snuff him personally, but he’s gonna be facing down Agent Smith and the mad scientist – that’s your role, Ivanova –
Ivanova: You know, I’m not really a sidekick. I’m the hot babe who kicks ass.
Trinity: So am I. And I really don’t want to play a sexy podiatrist.
Sarah Jane Smith: Well, I am a sidekick, and I’m not ashamed to admit it, even though I did get my own show. Just promise me I’ll have more to do than run up and down corridors and scream? Please?
GL: Hey, no problem, Sarah Jane. You get to rescue Ivanova from being strangled when the sentient Red Vines turn on their creator –
Sarah Jane: Speaking of that scene – must we have the really cheap strangulation-by-a-bad-special-effect bit?
GL: Hey, baby, we’re blowing the SFX budget on the shape-shifting zombie cats.
[unpleasant loud squelching sounds]
GL: Hey, Charlie, glad you made it!
Trinity: Yech. Somebody get him a toothbrush, okay?
Ivanova: It would help if he’d burst out of the chest of a non-smoker once in a while.
GL: Here’s your script, Charlie – you get the long monologue after Hugh Jackman’s big aria.
[odd gurgling noises]
C-3P0: Charlie says he likes the script, but he isn’t really a sidekick; he’s the unstoppable alien menace.
Wolverine: Yeah? Well, I’m the studly outsider who threatens the established team dynamic, but you don’t hear me interrupting. C’mon. This is great stuff. I’m calling my agent. ET, lemme borrow your phone – hey, ET’s not here.
Riker: He’s at his disciplinary hearing. Okay, Wil, when’s the pitch session?
GL: If everyone’s on board, we meet the studio execs tomorrow.
Spock: I still fail to understand why you regard us all as sidekicks. We’re not, except for yourself, Mr. Wheaton.
GL: Don’t give me that, Spock. I don't even qualify as a sidekick. I’m the freakin’ Mary Sue!
"Below you will find a selection of writing assignments, based on various science fiction movies and/or science fiction filmmakers. Write up one or more, and put them into the comments below (one writing assignment per comment -- keep them short and punchy). Here's the juicy part: I'll select my favorite from the bunch and AMC will award its author a DVD set of the original The Prisoner. It's that easy! Have fun.
1. Write a brief monologue from the point of view of the creature who burst out of the chest of John Hurt in Alien.
2. Whilst visiting an alien world to collect plant samples, one of your crew ran afoul of the local sentient life, forcing you to cut short the mission and then subsequently mount a rescue attempt to retrieve said crew member. Write the discipline report for the crew member, whom the local sentients labeled as E.T.
3. Will Smith has agreed to do your next movie! Congratulations. Now pitch that movie to a studio executive. In addition to Smith, the movie must contain at least four of the following ten elements: A toothbrush; a small primate known as the Aye-Aye; a mad scientist; a robot who learns to love; shape-shifting zombie cats; a sexy podiatrist; a 1972 AMC Gremlin; Red Vines; a ticking time bomb; any one member of either Duran Duran or the Jonas Brothers, depending on your generational inclinations.
4. You are the founding member of the Jar-Jar Binks Reclamation Project who has come to the San Diego Comic-Con to spread the Gospel of Jar-Jar. You have one hundred fifty words to make your argument to the assembled masses. Go.
5. Similarly: you are at an academic film conference to give a presentation. The title of your talk? Uwe Boll: The Most Important Film Director of the Last Decade. Provide the synopsis paragraph of this talk, and/or recount how you escaped from the auditorium in which you gave the talk alive.
6. Write a short monologue from the point of view of The Terminator. NOTE: Due to circumstances beyond the filmmakers control, Arnold Schwarzenegger is not available to play the role of The Terminator. The role of The Terminator will instead be played by C-3P0. Please incorporate this fact into your monologue.
7. You are a screenwriter. Show us a short scene from your upcoming Matrix sequel, entitled Agent Smith: Telemarketer.
8. The movie Dune has been remade. The name of the newest version is Muad'Dib! The Musical, starring Hugh Jackman as Paul. You are a critic. Write the review.
9. Stung by the reviews of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen that describe the flick as being utterly without any redeeming qualities, director Michael Bay declares that the next Transformers movie will have a story and script based on one of the plays of William Shakespeare. In no more than two paragraphs, write a synopsis of that movie, using any Shakespeare play you like. NOTE: No fair using Titus Andronicus.
10. A group of science fiction sidekick characters have come together for their monthly support group/happy hour. The event takes place at TGI Friday's or some other moderately-priced restaurant chain. Provide us a glimpse of the transcript from that meeting."
---------------------------------------
Group Leader: Okaaay, everyone. We all here? I know the coffee here at Denny’s really sucks, but cheer up. Our next meeting’s gonna be caviar and champagne, buddies – we got Will Smith on board! He’s totally behind us, and this movie is gonna relaunch all our careers, man! To hell with being sidekicks!
Riker: You know, I’d just like to point out, first, that I’m really not a sidekick.
GL: So you don’t want a role in the movie?
Riker: I didn’t say that.
GL: Good. ‘Cause Uwe Boll wants to direct.
[groans from everyone]
GL: As we know, he is the Most-Important-Film-Director-of-the-Last-Decade. Just ask him!
Riker: Forget it! I want to direct!
Spock: It would be more logical if I were to direct, given my previous successes. Although I would like to point out that I am not a sidekick in the strict definition of the term.
GL: That’s cool. I hate strict definitions anyway. So, the first shot shows Agent Smith in the 1972 AMC Gremlin, pulling up in front of the theatre where the opening night crowd for Muad’Dib! The Musical is milling around – we’re talking glitterati, hot babes in skimpy dresses, the works.
Agent Smith: I keep telling you clowns, I’m not a sidekick, I’m the villain.
GL: Whatever. And C-3P0’s in the seat beside him, with the ticking time bomb planted in his chest. The bit with the digital clock running in the corner of the screen’s always good for building dramatic tension.
C-3P0: Um, please pardon me, but I’d like to point out that I’m not really a sidekick. I’m the adorable robot who makes endless promotional appearances. And I’ve already been offered a role in the Transformers remake, you know. Not a big role, mind you, but I rather see myself as Othello, and I’m hoping –
GL: Hey, 3P0, trust me here. Look at your script, man.
C-3P0: Oh my! My goodness gracious! I’ve always wanted to play the Terminator.
GL: And here’s the twist – when you meet Sarah Connor – she’s in the theatre crowd – you fall in love. That gonna work for you? Good.
[grunts and howls]
C-3P0: Chewbacca would like to point out that he’s not really a sidekick. He’s the adorable alien.
GL: Yeah? Well, you might have him check his merchandising residuals, or the lack of them. Face it, Chewie, you’re just not cute enough to be made into a plush toy. But we’re gonna fix that. You’re gonna be this cute little critter called the ‘Aye-Aye’, ‘cause that’s all you can say. It’s all voice work, of course – we’re gonna do it in CGI – but you’ll be great. Hey, Jar Jar? You doin’ okay, big guy?
[squashed sounds from underneath Chewbacca]
C-3P0: I think he’s saying, ‘Help, help, I’m being repressed.’
GL: That’s ‘suppressed’, 3P0. Anyway, don’t squash him too much, Chewie – we need him for the big comic moment in the nightclub scene, right after the Jonas Brothers have to step in as the live band when Duran Duran gets taken out by Agent Smith’s telemarketers. Then we unleash the shape-shifting zombie cats. That’s our real ‘money shot ‘ – we’re talking mega-gore here, man! Filleted Jonas Brothers! Then Jar Jar shows up trying to spread his Gospel, and the zombie cats get him too, y’see, because they’re still just as hungry and even more pissed off when they can’t get any brains out of the Jonases.
[squashed sounds become more unhappy]
GL: Oh. don’t give me that. Suck it up, man.
C-3P0: He’s saying he isn’t even a sidekick; he’s the thinly veiled minority character played for ineffective racist laughs.
GL: Yeah, sure. Everyone’s got problems. But everyone’s gonna love the Jar Jar Gets Shredded scene. Will Smith wanted to snuff him personally, but he’s gonna be facing down Agent Smith and the mad scientist – that’s your role, Ivanova –
Ivanova: You know, I’m not really a sidekick. I’m the hot babe who kicks ass.
Trinity: So am I. And I really don’t want to play a sexy podiatrist.
Sarah Jane Smith: Well, I am a sidekick, and I’m not ashamed to admit it, even though I did get my own show. Just promise me I’ll have more to do than run up and down corridors and scream? Please?
GL: Hey, no problem, Sarah Jane. You get to rescue Ivanova from being strangled when the sentient Red Vines turn on their creator –
Sarah Jane: Speaking of that scene – must we have the really cheap strangulation-by-a-bad-special-effect bit?
GL: Hey, baby, we’re blowing the SFX budget on the shape-shifting zombie cats.
[unpleasant loud squelching sounds]
GL: Hey, Charlie, glad you made it!
Trinity: Yech. Somebody get him a toothbrush, okay?
Ivanova: It would help if he’d burst out of the chest of a non-smoker once in a while.
GL: Here’s your script, Charlie – you get the long monologue after Hugh Jackman’s big aria.
[odd gurgling noises]
C-3P0: Charlie says he likes the script, but he isn’t really a sidekick; he’s the unstoppable alien menace.
Wolverine: Yeah? Well, I’m the studly outsider who threatens the established team dynamic, but you don’t hear me interrupting. C’mon. This is great stuff. I’m calling my agent. ET, lemme borrow your phone – hey, ET’s not here.
Riker: He’s at his disciplinary hearing. Okay, Wil, when’s the pitch session?
GL: If everyone’s on board, we meet the studio execs tomorrow.
Spock: I still fail to understand why you regard us all as sidekicks. We’re not, except for yourself, Mr. Wheaton.
GL: Don’t give me that, Spock. I don't even qualify as a sidekick. I’m the freakin’ Mary Sue!
no subject
Bloody brilliant! I think I've seen those guys meeting at my local Denny's! Wil always orders the Milk-Toast ala carte!
*rolling on the floor laughing my cape off*
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MY
GOD
This is a winner! LOL
No contest
That IS a scream...I don't know how you do it.
I'm afraid if I had to do #4, I'd just go and shoot myself.
K@
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You rock. :)
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no subject
OMG this is bloody, wicked awesome!
Way to go!!!!!
no subject
Congratulations!
I look forward to other entry's from you and will look for you on the RDAnderson site to chat too!
{{{{Hugz from DA Tree}}}}